Be All There

Somehow it has been an entire two weeks since I walked in this front door in the wee hours of the morning, practically tripping over my feet as I rushed to be inside the place that I still consider home, although I have spent less than a month and a half here this year. I've spent the past few hours trying to make sense of the wreck of my room (honestly, I told my mom I was tempted to just light a match and walk away--she was not amused) in preparation to move back to school about 10 hours from now.

I feel a bit like a nomad lately (or a gypsy maybe, we should go with that) because it's difficult to settle anywhere when you know you'll only be there temporarily. I've had a hard time not moping around because I'm really, really missing both my job and everyone I met this summer, and I'm also worrying about the coming school year and the seeming enormous amount I have to tackle. What I've realized after a hard, long two weeks of lots of sad music and no shortage of tears is that I am living way too much in the past and the future.

 

 

 

 

Being "all there", wherever I am, is the only way I've ever really been content in my life. I've had a lot to look back on in the past few years to either be morose about or miss, and I've also known for quite awhile that my future, while exciting, will probably also be quite challenging.

 

But I'm not actually living in the past, nor can I change it, and thinking about the future never gets me too far (it probably doesn't help that most of the scenarios I think through are ridiculous or impossible!)

 

Matthew 6:30-34 (The Message) says "If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don't you think He'll attend to you, take pride in you, do His best for you?...People who don't know God and the way He works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how He works... Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met. Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes."

 

What a reminder! What a promise! I do know God and how He works--I've been loving Him imperfectly for 12 years, and He hasn't failed me yet, even though we all know that I am a mess.

 

I don't want to spend the coming school year living in the past or worrying so much about the future. Wherever I am, whatever I'm doing, whoever I'm with, I want to be all there, not just there physically with my mind somewhere else.

 

We don't live in the past or future. As limited human beings, we're confined to the contraints of time, and thus we live right here, right now. Why are we trying to live anywhere else? We can't transcend the boundaries of time--that's God's business. He's at work in the past, present, and future (which completely blows my mind!), but we are not doing anything anywhere other than right here, right now.

 

I intend to live with this intention: to be present where I am, to focus my attention on those I am with and what I am doing. I'll leave the work in the past and future up to God--my thinking about both of these hasn't changed anything anyway. May I, and you too, be reminded of this each time we're not quite "all there."