As I said in my last blog post, seeing the rest of the group
off while I stayed behind in Kenya was much more difficult than I had expected.
I’ve been so content throughout these past four months that it hit me by
surprise that I couldn’t stop the tears from coming while I hugged my friends
goodbye. It was painful to say goodbye to them, but it was also painful to say
goodbye to the most amazing and adventurous four months of my life without
something new to anticipate. I love it here at First Love and I am so glad I
stayed, but I struggled with dealing with the end of the semester without the
excitement of returning home right away.
Last Thursday night and Friday morning I was seriously
doubting my decision to stay longer. While I am surrounded by community and
fiercely loved here, it’s hard to feel the comfort of that community in the
middle of the night when all that’s running through your head is what was I thinking? As the rest of the
group boarded a plane that would eventually lead them home and I returned to my
empty apartment at First Love, I felt like I had made a huge mistake. I slept
for about 3 hours that night, the whole time considering switching my flight
once again to return home as soon as possible.
When I got up the next day, I was not holding it together
well at all. Homesickness had really hit for the first time, and it hit hard. I
finally decided to drag myself over to the Baraka Center late morning, and the
short journey between my door and that place offered so many glimpses of God’s
grace that reassured me that I made the right choice:
- Joshua’s look of absolute shock and excitement as he exclaimed “I thought you had gone back to your country!”
- Felista seeing me from across the compound, screaming “ANNA!” dropping her toy, and sprinting into my arms
- Pendo kissing my hands and cheeks over and over again as Joshua explained that she “thought I had been lost"
- Walking into the Baraka Center greeted by a round of applause and rare smiles from all the women present….I even got hugs from everyone, which is exceptionally rare. They thought I had changed my mind about staying longer (since we were on safari that whole week before this).
Staying in Kenya two weeks longer has turned out to be one
of the hardest parts of this trip. I didn’t expect this, but I also didn’t
expect for God to show up in such a tangible way to remind me that listening to
Him even when he says stay and all I
want to do is go will always bring
the best result.
2 Corinthians 12:9 “But He said to me, ‘My grace is
sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will
boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest
on me.”
I am thanking God for my weaknesses today, because without
them His grace and power would not be so evident. My weak human spirit misses
my family and friends and hot water coming out of the tap and fruit leather and
washing machines and Chipotle and my dog. But the power of Christ in my life
has supplied me with so much more than this: the family of First Love who love
me and who I am privileged to love. I have never been so thankful for my
weaknesses.
