Loving Despite the Mess

Well today was a hot mess of a day. Although I arrived at work late, grumpy, and very tired, I also felt like I've gotten the hang of this meal site thing enough that I could arrive rather unprepared. Was I ever wrong.

I had the day's activity somewhat prepared for, but since I've done this for about 4 weeks now, I felt like I would be ok kind of winging it. Falso. 10 minutes into the activity time I had a room packed with 35 kids, glue and sequins covering the carpet (and windows somehow?), scissors being placed in mouths, rubber bands being flung across the room, and about 20 whining kids. I somehow forgot that based on the amount of kids that eat at this site and the come-and-go nature of craft time, I needed to have something prepared that involved little instruction. Everyone was asking me questions at once, parents were starting to come into the room to see what all the chaos was about, and children began to approach me while I was helping others, hitting my legs to get my attention (since when is hitting someone an appropriate way to ask them a question? News to me.) We weren't even halfway through and kids were starting to ditch, exclaiming "Well this was stupid.", and "Craft time is usually fun, but not today!" on their way out. It was apparent to me that I wasn't going to be able to help all the kids even complete a project, so I needed a new goal other than completing crafts, and this is what I chose: just love.

Being loving to these kids was the absolute last thing I felt like doing. I didn't want to hang out with them, I didn't want their sticky little fingers grabbing and tugging on my shirt, I didn't want to have to remove the crayons from one more nose or reassure one more kid that their drawing did look like something it in fact resembled in no way. I wanted to get the heck out of that hot, noisy room, jump in my car, and go home (as in home to Illinois). I wanted to whine to God "This is not what I signed up for!" (Boy, how many times has He heard that lament from me in the past few years??) But I begrudgingly spent the remaning 30 minutes being as loving as possible to the few kids who tried to stick it out and actually finish a project. I did not enjoy myself. I did not have a major attitude shift. I did not want to continue doing this job for the remaining week.



1 Corinthians 13:1-7 (The Message)

But who cares? I could have instructed 35 kids on making incredible, unrivaled pieces of artwork today, but if I'm not loving them, it would have worthless.

I have 5 more days to spend with the kids that I have given up a summer to serve. My projects for the remaining days may suck (in fact, I'm pretty sure they will.) We will more than likely make a  huge mess each day, and no one will go home having learned any useful art skills from me. But if I can get out of the way and let God work through me, and thus even one child on one day goes home thinking "Miss Anna really loves me," this entire summer has been completely worth it. May I continue to be reminded that my words and actions mean absolutely nothing without love.

A Heart Like His

Spectating at the rodeo.

Hiking at Enchanted Rock

Well folks, I'm clearly not going to win any awards for being a top-notch, consistent blogger. No real excuses, I just suck at blogging, so I guess we'll have to talk about most of my Texas adventures when I return home (which is happening in less than two weeks---insane!) I've met some incredible people, tried to adjust to Southern culture/heat, experienced a rodeo, drank sweet tea, went shopping for cowboy boots, hiked a giant boulder, discovered two lizards in my home, and referred to a 99 degree day as "cool." But that's just in my free time ;-)!


This summer I've been working for the Tom Green County Hunger Iniative. Through this organization, free meals are provided throughout July and August at 15 different church/community sites for kids 18 and under. Neighborhoods where 65% or more of children qualify for reduced-price or free school lunches are targeted, since these children aren't in school during the summer and therefore not getting cheap/free lunches. Kids 18 and under can walk into any of these sites, no ID required or questions asked, and sit down to a full meal lovingly prepared by members of the community. Incredibly, this entire program is privately funded, and has been for the 3 years of its existence. The people of this town are some of the most generous and welcoming I have ever encountered in my life, and they certainly do not let their own go without.

Art time with the kids--my favorite part of each day!

One of my main tasks is leading activities at the meal sites for the kids after they are done eating, to encourage them to keep coming back and give them a reason to stay in a safe (and air-conditioned!) place longer. Mostly, I plan and prepare craft/art projects (I'll make an exception for my hatred of the word craft in this situation, I suppose) and then have a blast playing with incredibly adorable kids every day.


One week I did an activity about healthy eating, and the kids convinced themselves that I'm a nutritionist/teacher who is 39 years old and must not have a husband since I have so much time to color pictures (correct on one count, at least). How I miss the logic of childhood.

Yesterday, I was at the busiest of our meal sites (it serves an average of 80 kids a day!) making tissue-paper stained glass pictures with about 30 kids. I was helping the little boy sitting next to me, who was about 3 or 4 years old, complete his project. This kid was just so darn full of joy that it was completely contagious. As he randomly glued squares of tissue paper on his frame and covered himself in glue, I stared down at him, chin resting on my hand, my mouth hurting from smiling and laughing, and was overwhelmed by how much I adored this kid and all the others I get to spend every day with. As my little friend glued a piece of paper to my arm, spread some glue on the table, and dumped paper scraps all over the floor, he looked up at me with wide eyes and that contagious smile and asked "Did I do a good job?" I replied "Sweetheart, you did a fantastic job. I've never seen a picture I liked more in my life." The next question made my heart skip a beat: "Do you like me?"..."Oh yes, oh so much."

In the moments that I'm hurting the most, feeling lonely and rejected by those around me, this is how I like to imagine God. Chin cradled in hand, adoringly staring down at me as I look up at Him and ask "Am I doing a good job?" His answer isn't always the same as mine was. More often than not I'm doing a really crappy job at life, you know with the sinful human nature and all. But I like to think that when I'm doing my absolute best to follow Him, even if I'm making a mess of things, He looks at my life and says "Sweetheart, I've never seen a thing I liked more in my life." Mercifully, his answer to "Do you really like me?" is always "Oh yes, oh so much."

My experiences this summer are teaching me so much about what I want out of life. Sure, there are some days where I'd really like to be laying on the beach, laughing around the dinner table with my family, or playing Dutch Blitz all night with my friends. But what I have discovered that I want so much more than that is to be like King David: I want to be a woman after God's own heart. I want my heart to look like His.

The above song has infected my head and my heart in the last couple of weeks. "At the end of the day, I wanna hear people say, that my heart looks like Your heart." I hope that that is happening more and more day by day.





Well, y'all, the question remains: will I be a better blogger from now on? Probably not :-P. Check back in another couple of months!

P.S. I garden and wear shorts now--changing for the better?